Just because I'm tired of being hit on by gals, I wanted to say I'm not bi or a lesbian, I like WHITE MEN only.

Do you know what would be really cool? To find this nice, wonderful,cute guy,that was my soulmate & we lived happily ever after. HA! I think I dreaming! I'm not sure such a guy exists. Hmmm...if you think you might be him...holler at me :-) Take my test...see if ya pass :-)

THE TRUTH IN 13 WORDS...
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened.

Texas

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

Roadrunners don't say "Beep Beep"

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a couple no one's seen before.

Possums will eat anything.

Armadillos love to dig holes under tomato plants.

Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites, it's in Texas.

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put concertina wire around their house.

You cannot find a country road without a curve from corner to corner.

A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

Texas has 5 seasons:
Spring - Feb 16 to April 15
Summer - April 16 to July 15 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
Super Summer - July 16 to Sept 10 (temp 100 to 115 degrees)
Summer - Sept. 11 to Oct 1 (temp 90 to 98 degrees)
Fall - Oct 2 to Dec. 1
Winter - Dec. 2 to Feb 15

The wind blows at 90 MPH from Oct 2 until June 25, then it stops totally until Oct 2.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

Coldbeer is one word.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Texans really don't have an accent.

When the world ends, only cockroaches and mesquite trees will survive.

Green grass DOES burn.

When you live in the country, you don't have to buy a dog. City people drop them off at your gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first couple of weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to go to the doctor.

Fixinto is one word.

A tank is a dirt hole in the ground that holds water for irrigation.

The word dinner is confusing. There's only lunch and then there's supper.

Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.

Backards and forards means I know everything about you.

'Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You know you're from Texas if:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

4. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it,no matter what time of the year.

5. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

6. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.

9. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

10. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

11. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

12. The local papers covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

13. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

14. You find 100 degrees F "a little warm."

15. You know whether another Texan is from east, west,north or south Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

16. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

17. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as " goin wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

18. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather.

19. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop ... it's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor.

20.Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

21."Vacation" means going to the family reunion.

22. You've seen all the big bands 10 years after they were popular.

23. You know several people who have hit a deer.

24. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

25. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

26. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

27. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals. (Hey,lots of people arrive at funerals directly from work!)

28. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

29. You know which leaves make good toilet paper. [for those of you who may not know, this means we recognize what poison ivy looks like]

30. You recognize that grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.

31. You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour and water (a delicacy known as "biscuits n' gravy").

CHINESE PROVERBS
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Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
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Man who run in front of car get tired.
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Man who run behind car get exhausted.
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Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
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Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
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Man with one chopstick go hungry.
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Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
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Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
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Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
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Panties not best thing on earth! but next to best thing on earth.
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War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
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Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
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Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
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It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
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Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
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Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
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Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
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Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
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Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
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Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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